One major sign that your marriage is going to last is that you and your partner trust each other completely. "To be able to trust is to be able to live who you are — openly, honestly, and Love gets you on the road to a healthy marriage. It can get and keep you in the game and help to keep you on the road. Love is not enough, however, to play the game well. Love is not enough to get Question 32: Love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it. A. take out. B. happen. C. exist before. D. find out "precede" = exist before: diễn ra trước. Read the following passage and mark the letter A, B, C or D on your answer sheet to indicate the correct word(s) for each of the blanks from 33 to 37. Confession. Satan - Regardless of your opinion of who Satan is and what he is capable of, the Bible says he is real and he is hell bent on destroying your marriage. Satan is out to …"seek, kill, and destroy" people who love Jesus (John 10:10). He is on a mission to paralyze anyone, and any marriage, that is living for Christ. E6 Low Superheat3. Check Control Board step position from board LED3. Replace board if EEV steps not at 2. During Cooling4. Check Electric Expansion Valve ClosureGo to4. Pumpdown system see if LPS opens or if it (0°F for 2 minutes)next steptimes out (EEV is bad or LPS is set incorrectly, if times out) - See Pumpdown. 5. Compressor Not Vay Tiền Trả Góp Theo Tháng Chỉ Cần Cmnd. Love isn’t supposed to be the answer to all of your problems. Getting into a relationship isn’t going to magically make you happy. It might make you happier, but it won’t make the rest of your issues disappear. You still need to put effort into yourself. You still need to work on healing and growing and thriving as an individual. You don’t want to forget about yourself once you’re in a relationship because you’re too busy worrying about your partner. There’s enough room to care about you both. Love isn’t supposed to be easy one-hundred percent of the time. There are going to be problems. There are going to be arguments. Fighting isn’t an indication that something is wrong with the relationship — but the way you handle the fights could be an indication you’re in trouble. You shouldn’t be screaming at each other, trying to get a word in. You shouldn’t be biting your tongue, afraid to tell them the truth about how you’re feeling, either. However, if you’re treating each other with compassion and respect, even when you aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on something, then you’re on the right path. Love isn’t supposed to be the only thing bringing you joy in life. Your person isn’t in charge of your happiness. They shouldn’t be the only thing bringing a smile to your face. They should be a big part of why you enjoy waking up every morning, but they shouldn’t be the only reason you’re excited. You should have other things that bring you happiness, whether that’s a career or a friendship or a hobby or a combination of the three. Love isn’t supposed to be reserved for two perfect people. You’re going to have ups and downs with your partner. You’re going to disagree on little things from time to time — and that’s okay. You aren’t supposed to have the exact same interests and get along swimmingly one-hundred percent of the time. You can have different tastes and still be compatible. You can disagree and still form a strong bond. As long as your morals and standards and dreams for the future align, then there’s nothing wrong with being two completely different types of people. Love isn’t supposed to make you stressed. Sometimes, you’re going to go through rough patches, but your whole relationship shouldn’t be a rough patch. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable whenever your partner walks into the room. They shouldn’t make you nervous in a bad way. Overall, spending time with them should be a pleasant experience. It should be something that excites you, not something you dread. Love isn’t supposed to be perfect. Love is messy. Love is hard. Love will require an immense amount of effort, not only in the beginning of the relationship, but throughout the entire relationship. You can’t get lazy with each other once you grow used to each other. You can’t neglect each other because you assume you’re never going to leave each other. You need to work hard. You need to act present. You need to show them you haven’t lost your spark, you haven’t stopped caring about them, you haven’t changed your mind. Love, real love, is never perfect. But it’s perfect for you. 1. Task 1 Speaking Unit 1 lớp 12 Work in pairs. Express your point of view on the following ideas, using the words or expressions in the box Làm việc theo cặp. Hãy thể hiện quan điểm của em về những nhận định dưới đây, sử dụng những từ hoặc sự diễn đạt theo gợi ý trong khung In Vietnam, three or even four generations may live in a home A happy marriage should be based on love In some Asian countries, love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it In some countries, a man and a woman may hold hands and kiss each other in public I think/ feel/ believe I don’t agree …….. In my opinion, …………………… It’s not true …. For me ……………………. That’s wrong …. Example I think it is a good idea to have three or four generations living under one roof. They can help each other a lot That’s not true. In some countries many old-aged parents like to live in a nursing home. They want to lead independent lives Guide to answer In Vietnam, three or even four generations may live in a home Ở Việt Nam, ba thậm chí là bốn thế hệ có thể chung sống trong một mái nhà A In my opinion, it is good when three or four generations may live under one roof because they can help each other a lot B I don’t agree with your idea. I think it is not good for three or four generations to live in a family because they will find difficult to sympathy their interests and habits. Therefore, there may usually be conflicts among family members. In some countries, especially in developing countries, old-aged people like to live in a nursing homes, where they can lead independent lives A happy marriage should be based on love Một cuộc hôn nhân hạnh phúc nên đặt nền tảng bằng tình yêu C In my opinion, it’s obvious a happy marriage should be based on love, the true love, because love is the necessity for the family happiness. Only the true love can bring about forgiveness and sacrifice D That’s true. It’s love that joins a man with a woman together In some Asian countries, love is supposed to follow marriage, not precede it Ở một số quốc gia châu Á, tình yêu nảy sinh trong hôn nhân mà chưa từng tồn tại trước đó ​E For me, it is not a really good idea that love can be supposed to follow the marriage. It’s an obsolete thought. Everyone should have a right to make decisions for their own, especially the one relating to their personal life. Because we love something whenever we know and understand it well F That’s right. It’s love that joins a man with a woman together In some countries, a man and a woman may hold hands and kiss each other in public Ở một số quốc gia, đàn ông và phụ nữ có thể cầm tay và hôn nhau ở nơi công cộng G I believe it’s OK. Holding one’s hands is a way to express one’s feelings or love, especially it is a popular way for the couple H I agree with you. How about kissing each other in public? G Personally, it’s not our traditional culture. Our personal feelings may not be performed in public. I mean in front of other people, except for necessary circumstances Below are some typical features of American culture. Work in pairs, discuss and find out the corresponding features of Vietnamese culture Dưới đây là đặc trưng văn hóa Mỹ. Hãy làm việc theo cặp, thảo luận và tìm những đặc điểm tương ứng trong văn hóa Việt Nam In America In Vietnam Two generations parents and children live in a home Old – aged parents live in a nursing homes. It is not polite to ask questions about age, marriage and income. Americans can greet anyone in the family first. Groceries are bought once a week. Christmas and New Year holidays are the most important. Children sleep in their own bedrooms Guide to answer In America In Vietnam Two generations parents and children live in a home Old – aged parents live in a nursing homes. It is not polite to ask questions about age, marriage and income. Americans can greet anyone in the family first. Groceries are bought once a week. Christmas and New Year holidays are the most important. Children sleep in their own bedrooms Two or more generations live in a home. Old-aged parents often live with their children. It is a common mailer in Vietnam. Usually the inferior must greet the superior first. Groceries can be bought at any time when necessary. Only New Year Lunar New Year-Tet holidays are the most important. Groceries can be bought at any time when necessary. Small children usually sleep with their parents Tạm dịch Ở Mỹ Ở Việt Nam Hai thế hệ cha mẹ và con cái sống trong nhà. Cha mẹ già ở nhà dưỡng lão. Ii không lịch sự lo hỏi về tuổi, kết hôn và thu nhập. Người Mỹ có thể chào đón bất cứ ai trong gia đình trước. Hàng tạp hóa được mua mỗi tuần một lần. Các ngày lễ Giáng sinh và Năm mới là quan trọng nhất. Người Mỹ chào mừng sinh nhật và tặng quà trong bữa tiệc sinh nhật. Trẻ em ngủ trong phòng riêng. Hai hoặc nhiều thế hệ có thể sống trong nhà. Cha mẹ lớn tuổi thường sống với con cái. Đây là một bưu gửi thông thường ở Việt Nam, nhưng bây giờ dưới ảnh hưởng của văn hoá phương Tây, một số người cũng tuân theo luật này. Thông thường người thấp kém phải chào đón người cao cấp đầu tiên. Cửa hàng tạp hoá có thể mua bất cứ lúc nào khi cần thiết. Những ngày lễ Tết Tết Nguyên đán là những ngày nghỉ lễ lớn nhất. Bây giờ thói quen này cũng được thực hiện trong gia đình Việt Nam, nhưng thường ở những người giàu hoặc trẻ. Hầu hết mọi người Việt Nam mừng ngày sanh của cha mẹ hay ông bà. Trẻ nhỏ thường ngủ cùng bố mẹ, nhưng trẻ lớn hơn ngủ trong phòng riêng. 3. Task 3 Speaking Unit 2 lớp 12 Work in groups. Talk about the similarities and differences between Vietnamese and American cultures, using the features discussed in Task 2 Làm việc theo nhóm. Nói về điểm giống và khác biệt giữa văn hóa Việt Nam và Mỹ, sử dụng những gợi ý đã thảo luận ở phần 2 Example There are differences and similarities between Vietnamese and American cultures. In America, two generations parents and children live in a home. In Vietnam, two, three or even four generations live under one roof Guide to answer A I think there are various differences between Vietnamese and American cultures B Can you give us an example? C Well. In the United States, usually only two generations parents and children live under one roof. Meanwhile in Viet Nam you can see three or more generations living in the same home D A different feature between two cultures is old-aged Americans often live in nursing homes, but Vietnamese old people usually live with their children or grandchildren A In America, asking about age, salary and religion is considered impolite, but it’s OK or acceptable in Viet Nam. This custom, however, is also kept by some Vietnamese people, especially among young city dwellers B About greetings, in the US anyone can greet the others in the family first, but in Viet Nam young or inferior people must greet the old or superior first C Christmas and New Year are the most important holidays in America, but in Viet Nam only Lunar New Year is the most important D Americans usually buy groceries or go shopping at weekends, but Vietnamese people can buy groceries or things at any time they need or want. I think it depends on lifestyle and family activities A About the ways of expressing love or sentiments, Americans can kiss or embrace each other in public, but this is considered unpleasant to eyes in Viet Nam B Birthdays or wedding anniversaries are usually celebrated in American families; they are considered important family celebrations. In Viet Nam we also see this custom, but only in young or rich families C One more difference in two cultures American children sleep in their own rooms, meanwhile Vietnamese parents let their children sleep with them, especially small children Tạm dịch Ví dụ Có những sự khác nhau và giống nhau giữa văn hóa Mỹ và Việt Nam. Ở Mỹ, hai thế hệ bố mẹ và con cái sống cùng một nhà. Ở Việt Nam, hai, ba hoặc thậm chí là 4 thế hệ sống chung một mái nhà A Tôi nghĩ có nhiều khác biệt giữa văn hoá Việt Nam và Mỹ B Ví dụ? C Vâng. Ở Hoa Kỳ, thường chỉ có hai thế hệ cha mẹ và con cái sống dưới một mái nhà. Trong khi đó ở Việt Nam bạn có thể thấy ba hoặc nhiều thế hệ sống cùng nhà D Một đặc điểm khác biệt giữa hai nền văn hoá là người già ở Mỹ thường sống trong các nhà dưỡng lão, nhưng người già Việt Nam thường sống với con cái và con của họ A Ở Mỹ, hỏi về tuổi tác, tiền lương và tôn giáo được xem là bất lịch sự, nhưng điều đó là OK hoặc có thể chấp nhận được ở Việt Nam. Tuy nhiên, phong tục này cũng được lưu giữ bởi một số người Việt Nam, đặc biệt là những người ở thành thị trẻ tuổi B Về lời chào, ở Mỹ mọi người có thể chào đón những người khác trong gia đình đầu tiên, nhưng ở Việt Nam những người trẻ hoặc người thấp kém phải chào đón người già hoặc cao cấp trước tiên C Giáng sinh và Năm mới là những ngày nghỉ quan trọng nhất ở Mỹ, nhưng ở Việt Nam chỉ có Tết Nguyên đán là quan trọng nhất D Người Mỹ thường mua các cửa hàng tạp hoá hoặc đi mua sắm vào cuối tuần, nhưng người Việt Nam có thể mua đồ ăn tạp hoặc đồ vật bất cứ lúc nào họ cần hoặc muốn. Tôi nghĩ rằng nó phụ thuộc vào lối sống và các hoạt động gia đình A Về cách bộc lộ tình yêu hay tình cảm, người Mỹ có thể ôm hôn tại nơi công cộng, nhưng điều này bị xem là khó chịu trong cách nhìn của người Việt Nam B Ngày sinh nhật hay kỉ niệm ngày cưới thường được tổ chức trong gia đình người Mỹ; chúng được xem là những nagyf kỉ niệm quan trọng của gia đình. Ở Việt Nam, chúng ta cũng có thể thấy phong tục này nhưng chỉ xuất hiện ở những gia đình trẻ hoặc có điềug kiện tài chính C Một điều khác biệt nữa giữa hai nền văn hóa này là Trẻ em Mỹ ngủ trong phòng riêng của chúng, trong khi đó cha mẹ Việt Nam để trẻ nhỏ ngủ chung với họ, đặc biệt những đứa bé còn nhỏ 4. Practice Choose the best answers Choose the phrase or sentences A, B, C or D for the best completes the conversation Chọn cụm từ hoặc câu A, B, C hay D để hoàn thành đoạn hội thoại sau Question 1 A Personally, I think a happy marriage should be based on love B …………. A. Oh, I hope so B. So do I C. I definitely agree D. Good idea Question 2 A I’m not sure about this soup. It tastes like something’s missing B ……………….It tastes fine to me A. You’re right B. Oh, I don’t know C. I couldn’t agree more D. I don’t think so Question 3 A It seems to me that spring is the most beautiful time of year B ……………. It really is lovely A. You’re exactly right B. You could be right C. You’re dead wrong D. I couldn’t agree less 5. Conclusion Qua bài học này, các em cần ghi nhớ một số từ vựng quan trọng trong bài học như sau point of view n quan điểm generation [dʒenə’rei∫n] n thế hệ to be based on dựa vào to hold hands v nắm tay in public [pʌblik] adv giữa công chúng, công khai roof [ruf] n mái nhà old-aged adj già nursing house [nɜrsɪŋhaʊs] n viện dưỡng lão to lead an independent life v sống cuộc sống tự lập typical [tipikl] adj điển hình feature [fit∫ə] n nét đặc biệt, nét đặc trưng corresponding [kɔris’pɔndiη] adj tương ứng income [iηkʌm] n thu nhập to greet [grit] v chào hỏi greeting n lời chào hỏi groceries [grousəriz] n hàng tạp phẩm và một số cấu trúc thể hiện quan điểm cá nhân Expression Reply I think/feel/believe that S+ V In my opinion, S + V For me, S + V I don’t agree… It’s not true… That’s wrong… Ludic Love Style views love as a game in which the player has no intention of getting seriously involved. Pragma Love Style the love of the pragmatic-that which is logical and rational. Assess partners on the basis of assets and liabilities. Eros Love Style romantic love imbued with passion and sexual desire Mania Love Style out-of-control love whereby the person "must have" the love object. Jealously possessiveness, dependency, and controlling are symptoms of this love. Storge Love Style companionate love a calm, soothing nonsexual love devoid of intense passion. Respect, friendship, commitment, and familiarity are characteristics that help define storge pronounced as STOR-jay love relationships. Agape Love Style a focus on the well-being of the person who is loved, with little regard for reciprocation. Compassionate Love Style emotional feelings toward another that generate behaviors to promote the partner's basic elements intimacy, passion, and commitment. Various Types of Love Created Nonlove - the absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Liking - Intimacy without passion or commitment. Infatuation - passion without intimacy or commitment Romantic Love - Intimacy and passion without commitment Conjugal Love married love - intimacy and commitment without passion Fatuous Love - Passion and commitment without intimacy Empty Love - Commitment without passion or intimacy. Consummate Love - all consuming love a combination of intimacy, passion, and selection pattern whereby parents select the spouse of their offspring. Parents arrange 80% of the marriages in China, India, and Indonesia three countries representing 40% of the world's population In most Eastern countries marriage is regarded as the linking of two families; the love feelings of the respective partners are irrelevant. Love is expected to follow marriage, not precede it. Arranged marriages not only guarantee the cultural traditions will be carried on and passed on to the new generation, but they also link two family systems together for mutual support of the couple. Selecting a spouse for a daughter may begin as early in the child's life. In some countries Nepal and Afghanistan child marriage occurs whereby young females age 8 to 12 are required to marry an older man selected by their parents. Suicide is the only alternative "choice" for these Theory individuals are motivated to emotionally bond with a partner to ensure a stable relationship for producing and rearing children. Learning Theory love feelings are developed in response to certain behaviors engaged by the partner. Sociological Theory the wheel model which has four stages 1 rapport-each partner has the feeling of having known the partner before, feels comfortable with the partner, and wants to deepen the relationship; 2 self revelation or self disclosure-each reveals intimate thoughts to the other about oneself, the partner, and the relationship; 3 mutual dependency-each partner is happiest in the presence of the other and begins to depend on the other for creating the context of these euphoric feelings; and 4 fulfillment of personality needs. Psychosexual Theory love results from blocked biological sexual desires. Biochemical Theory oxytocin and vasopressin are hormones involved in the development and maintenance of social bonding. The hormones are active in forging emotional connections between adults and infants and between adults. Oxytocin is released from the pituitary gland during the expulsive stage of labor that has been associated with the onset of maternal behavior in lower animals. This hormone is referred to as the "cuddle chemical". Phenylethylamine PEA is a natural, amphetamine-like substance that makes lovers feel euphoric and energized. "Love junkies" are those that go from one affair to the next to maintain the high. Attachment Theory a primary motivation in life is to be emotionally connected with other the cultural expectation to select a marriage partner within one's social group, such as in the same race, religion, and social class. Exogamy the cultural pressure to marry outside the family group you cannot marry your siblings a pool of eligibles the population from which a person may select a mate. Homogamy "like selects like" the tendency for the individual to seek a mate with similar characteristics, such as age, race, and education. In general, the more couples have in common, the higher the reported relationship satisfaction and the more durable the relationship. {Factors Race, Age marriage squeeze the imbalance of the ratio of marriageable-aged men to marriageable-aged women, Intelligence, Education, Open-mindedness, Social class mating gradient the tendency for husbands to be more advanced than their wives with regard to age, education, and occupational success, Physical Appearance, Career, Marital status, Religion/Spirituality/Politics, Personality, Circadian Preference an individual's preference for morningness-eveningness in regard to intellectual and physical activities, Traditional Roles, Geographic Background spatial homogamy romantic partners tended to have grown up within six kilometers of each other, and Economic values with Money management and Debt}Eight dimensions of self-disclosure 1 background and history, 2 feelings toward the partner, 3 feelings toward self, 4 feelings about one's body, 5 attitudes toward social issues, 6 tastes and interests, 7 money and work, and 8 feelings about friends. Findings disclosing one's tastes and interests was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction. Arranged marriages and love marriages are sometimes seen as cultural opposites, but it’s far more complicated. Anthropology shows how love and marriage are entwined in many different ways. ✽ Love and marriage aren’t the same thing Passionate love is a feeling, and marriage is a social contract. But over time and around the world, the two have been intertwined in fascinating ways—not always with romance coming first. The concept of partnering up in some kind of marriage-like arrangement is virtually universal in human societies. But the notion that romantic love should direct such partnerships has not been a constant. For much of human history, the family unit was likely organized around reproduction and social survival, which might not have always encouraged the cultivation of warm spousal affection—or monogamy. Ethnographic studies of some tribal societies have suggested that spouses were at some points in history considered effective strangers or even antagonistic enemies, united for the main purpose of procreation. In these groups, the sentiment of romantic love seemed to be seldom acknowledged or expected, at least in public. While the deep history of marriage is murky, sometime after the development of agriculture around 15,000 to 10,000 years ago in some regions, arranged marriages become the norm across organized state societies. Family members and matchmakers began to arrange who should partner with whom, with an eye on factors such as economics, social status, prestige, and carrying on the family line. The idea that marriage should be based in long-term companionship, or what we call a “forever love,” starts to turn up in books and writings much, much later Scholars have put it as early as the 13th or 14th century in England; the 18th or 19th century in Russia; and the 20th century in China. In each culture, the arrival of this idea of “forever love” seems to be matched with a push for children to choose their own marital partners in a love match. The result is that, in recent centuries, love and marriage have melded in new and complex ways. Our research, along with other anthropological studies, challenges the common impression that societies organized around arranged marriages are very different from those organized around passionate love. In most societies, sexual desire, loving attachment, and material interests are more deeply interwoven than is culturally acknowledged. ✽ Today the ideal of arranged marriage remains strong in India and much of the Middle East but has declined dramatically over recent centuries around the world, especially in more urbanized societies. Firm numbers are hard to come by, but today about 95 percent of marriages in India are reportedly arranged and about 6 percent in Japan. However, such statistics tend to gloss over a significant diversity of practices between cultures Arranged marriages are not always what they seem. Take, for example, a Dravidian Muslim community in Sri Lanka that was studied by anthropologist Victor De Munck. There, arranged marriage has long been the norm—but this does not mean that love matches don’t happen. In contemporary times, youth who have a similar social standing and an appropriate kin relationship can regularly meet, which provides the opportunity to develop feelings. More than three-quarters of the newlyweds De Munck interviewed in the late 1970s and early 1980s said that they loved their spouse before their marriage was formally arranged. This type of arrangement is hardly unique. Many other societies have adopted a similar solution to allowing their offspring to follow their hearts and choose their mate, while maintaining the desired patriarchal image of the family being in charge. Across South Asia, this love-turned-arranged marriage strategy seems to be gaining in popularity Love matches or elopements often secure public sympathy as a modern and ethical act. The immensely popular Bollywood films and love songs, for example, are beginning to blend the long-standing arranged-marriage discourse with love-centered discourses. A culture’s tolerance for personal choice within a customary arranged marriage practice varies—and is not always without danger. In India’s New Delhi, anthropologists Perveez Mody and Shalini Grover found in their research in the 2000s that love-turned-arranged marriages are increasingly idealized among youth there—and, officially, the Indian government’s policy and law is supportive of free choice marriage. But, especially in cases of pronounced differences in social class, caste, or religion, some couples face strong parental and community opposition, which sometimes results in kidnapping or violence, especially among the middle and upper classes. What is remarkable is that across arranged-marriage cultures, we see a fairly wide parental tolerance for an offspring’s love-based mate choice—provided it is converted into a public performance that acknowledges parental authority to decide who is best to marry. ✽ Another phenomenon that blurs the line between love matches and arranged marriages is the tendency to fall passionately in love after agreeing to marry. My Jankowiak’s research has shown this was dominant in 1980s urban China, for example. At that time, a so-called self-arranged marriage relied on friends, teachers, or colleagues to introduce someone, followed by a short courtship of three or four brief, unsupervised meetings. After this, the individuals either ceased to see each other or agreed to a rapid marriage. My interviews with about 50 people showed that during this exchange, individuals typically remained skeptical and detached as they coolly calculated the relative social worth each brought to a potential marriage. Once agreeing to marry, however, both parties typically underwent a sudden transformation that manifested in passionate exchanges, statements of joy, and shared fantasies about their future life with each other. So intense was this behavior that I could never determine who felt the deeper, overwhelming passionate love urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match. I could never determine who felt the deeper passion urban Chinese committed to an arranged marriage or teenage Americans pursuing a love match. The anthropologist Mody saw a similar pattern among some youth in New Delhi The interviewed couples also began to fall in love after agreeing to an arranged marriage. Of course, couples matched up by parents or matchmakers may also fall deeply in love some time into their arranged marriage A shared life, with a similar background or interests, may foster feelings of passionate or affectionate love. The Makassar of Indonesia, as one example, idealize the notion of love arising after marriage. One comparison of arranged versus love matches in Indian American marriages found little difference between the two in terms of long-term feelings of love and marital satisfaction. Anthropologist Marcia Inhorn looked specifically at couples in Egypt and Lebanon, where arranged marriage is common. She found that many couples developed a strong mutual love—so strong that even those facing infertility whose religious beliefs and culture may encourage them to seek a divorce and have children with others often opted not to do so. ✽ Invoking romantic love as the basis for marriage does not eliminate the importance of material factors in making a happy match. While many youth are pushing away from traditional forms of arranged marriage in favor of love matches, the opposite is also true People pursuing love around the world are reaping the benefits of intermediaries who help make suitable matches in material terms. In South Korea, for example, where I Nelson have studied courtship, a prevalent way to meet a partner today is on a not-so-blind date arranged by a friend, co-worker, or relative. This might start with evaluating photos and asking about the prospective partner’s specs age, job, education, family background, et cetera before proceeding to a first date. Anthropological interviews show that these young people typically like the security of being introduced to a partner with similar credentials who has been pre-screened for suitability by a trusted source. The newest global matchmaker, of course, is the computer algorithm. South Korean matchmaking services such as Duo charge fees into the thousands of dollars to introduce members to potential partners who have compatible ethnic backgrounds, religion, and material assets. Around the world, the rising popularity of online dating can help people vet potential mates for important qualities—from appearance to wealth, education, personality, and hobbies—before meeting up to see if sparks fly. ✽ The lines between types of marriage, motivation for marriage, and feelings incorporated into marriage are blurry. Serious misunderstandings can arise when someone believes they have begun a marriage based on feelings of authentic love while the other person views the marriage as an economic-sexual exchange. Numerous researchers have commented upon the frequency of this kind of misunderstanding in transnational matches, where one party expresses an authentic, intense love while the other performs the acts of love to secure economic stability. One of the reasons for a parental-arranged marriage is to ensure individuals are suitably matched and to prevent the potentially short-term sway of sexual attraction from overwhelming considerations of compatibility. Self-arranged marriages are, arguably, just a different way of achieving the same thing—both arrangement types are often centered around finding someone with a similar socioeconomic background and priorities. Perhaps the indefinable “chemistry” often invoked as the basis for love matches is little more than a synergy experienced when interacting with someone with similar values, attitudes, tastes, and life goals. Whether love comes before marriage, or marriage before love, it is important to recognize that material considerations and compatibilities—across cultures of all kinds—often underlie people’s willingness to fall in love. Different kinds of marriage may not be so different after all. William Jankowiak is a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and an internationally recognized authority on urban Chinese society, urban Mongols, Mormon fundamentalist polygyny, and love around the world. Jankowiak has authored over 123 academic and professional journal articles and three books, and he has edited or co-edited four volumes. His research has been featured in numerous media outlets, including The Economist, The New York Times, Time, ABC Primetime, NPR, the History Channel, TLC, BBC, and NBC. Alex Nelson is a sociocultural anthropologist who studies transformations in gender and intimacy in South Korea and the ethnology of romantic love. He received his from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, and is an adjunct assistant professor at Appalachian State University in North Carolina. Nelson is also engaged in collaborative interdisciplinary research on commercial sexual economies, including the Erotic Entrepreneurs Project, a study of the business and safety strategies of erotic escorts in the and the Virtual Sexual Economies Project, a study of ethno-erotic economies and racial inequalities in the webcam modeling industry. Follow him on Twitter alexjnelson. Republish You may republish this article, either online and/or in print, under the Creative Commons CC BY-ND license. We ask that you follow these simple guidelines to comply with the requirements of the license. In short, you may not make edits beyond minor stylistic changes, and you must credit the author and note that the article was originally published on SAPIENS. Accompanying photos are not included in any republishing agreement; requests to republish photos must be made directly to the copyright holder. Love our work? Your support keeps SAPIENS accessible to all. RETHINK HUMAN Get our newsletter with new stories delivered to your inbox every Friday. Republish You may republish this article, either online and/or in print, under the Creative Commons CC BY-ND license. We ask that you follow these simple guidelines to comply with the requirements of the license. In short, you may not make edits beyond minor stylistic changes, and you must credit the author and note that the article was originally published on SAPIENS. Accompanying photos are not included in any republishing agreement; requests to republish photos must be made directly to the copyright holder. Love our work? Your support keeps SAPIENS accessible to all. RETHINK HUMAN Get our newsletter with new stories delivered to your inbox every Friday.

love is supposed to follow marriage not precede it